A painter I am not

November 7, 2011

A Bad painter I would be

Once while fetching water from a stream,

I slipped. Into imagination

A world where Red is me

and colourless everything else

A complete me creating the world around

What colours would I fill it with?

I took the brush, dipped it in the colour blue

Blue was my sky, a clear blue sky

I dipped it again, this time in white

White was my mountain a pure white Now, in green for my meadow wide

Green and lush and prosperous

Then the roads, "brown", I said, and it was so

Alas! it was complete.

Then I looked at it and sprinkled random colours.

"Too perfect it was," I chuckled.

I like a grey in the blue sky, I realised

The black in the snow is just perfect

Some browns in the greens is how it should be

Make rocky my path, a lil thorny too

Let my feet bleed and let that give me colour

I am a bad painter, I realise!

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Must be Seasonal Affective Disorder

I am a little SAD today. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) perhaps!!! At 27, may be seasons begin having effect. Like summers feel irritating, monsoon increases baser instincts, autumn turns lil dry and winters make me want to fall in love again and again and again. So, needless to say what my mood is like right now.

Began the morning digging old stuffs. Started with old mails and chats of ex boyfriends and stopped there. I will mention a particular chat -- two-day chat with a boyfren I had in class six. No, the chat is not as old as that. We had, out of the blue, began talking to each other like after 10 years and were reliving and laughing at our silly dating days. what happened after that i dont want to reveal since it is someone else's secret but get the hint. Ok in another mail from another ex, i had suddenly become a teacher. No seriously. He had mailed me on Teachers' Day and expressed his gratitude for once helping him with his assignments. Bojho! (remember my latest fav expression).

Ok in another, a sweet ex of mine (at that time my present) used to write to me as a clandestine lover as if he was someone from my office. He would tell me how good i looked in the top i was wearing a particular day and how sweet my smile was an all that. Though I could not yet understand the purpose of the clandestine mails, i still pat myself for guessing it early who that clandestine lover was. But honestly, i had wished that time for a real one. Hmmmmmm....And now I realise how much i need one. WARING:But please remain clandestine.

Being single and "not-yet-ready to mingle", can be a difficult state sometimes. You suddenly find yourself being showered with all kind of proposals -- "you emotionally vulnerable??? come will nurse you" types, "let me take you out for a drink", "I am there na" types, "lets get married, i have loved you forever" and the latest for my age : My wife isnt home, lets talk. And, I am not exaggerating.

Like today a friend, a good friend, wanted to talk me out of my otherwise sleepy Sunday, invited me over for a drink, but I the I have already begun doubting his intentions. what if,? i dont, then??? all sorts of questions playing rugby in my mind. Rugby because I am running with the ball in hand towards the goal and the seven sisters inside me are pulling me back.

Now, had i thought better and clearer if it was winters and i so much want to fall in love again and again during that season? or monsoons, when my instincts get alive??? Blame it on the season..,,.,

I am going for a nap now. Royal Sunday nap.. Late evening will think of the drinks invitation.

Signing off
Rosemary

Rediscovering friends....

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Re-organising life as it was before the Holidays can actually get little tacky. First the unpacking bit, then the washing, not to mention getting back to the START-STOP mode (That's what I call when having to follow routine i.e office). Especially, if the trip has been everything but planned, anything but relaxing. Four days and 34 hours of travel and total 20 hrs of sleep (that is an average of 5 hrs of sleep everyday)! Almost threatening a Hotel manager in Jaipur to give us a room in the wee hours of the morning and then utilising the entire hotel premises as if it was our room.... then dancing like banjaras in the desert in Jaisalmer... and then a week full of erratic hours of fun and dining and nightouts in Delhi! Phew!! One week gone. Delhi-Jaipur-Jaisalmer-Delhi-Puja Pandals-Midnight Movies-India Gate chai--Bangla Sahib langar, et al and "Happy Stomach".

And now sitting alone in the room doing the usual thing -- beating the keyboard till well past midnight and into the morning trying to socialise with friends. Trying, because most of the times they fall asleep while I am still up and alert and too keen to gossip :( . But Alas not everyone has the same libido! Wish I was in school again when 8 good hrs of chat sessions felt like 8 good hrs of sex. Huh! Okay I just realised I am talking too much in hrs and days. That's the bad effect from calculating equities and company profits/losses. Life in numbers! Phew.

That reminds I always hated Maths, in all its shapes and sizes. Jennifer, was a life saver those days. i remember after the last test before the Class VIII Final Exams both of us calculating how many more marks I would need to pass the finals, and then working accordingly. And I actually did pass, just pass was the word.

Those days Jennifer, or Zen as we would call her, seemed rather serious to me. Miss Perfect! saying the right things, doing the right things. Everything in place unlike me the vagabond! Both examples of a Bengali saying -- Keu dekhe sekhe, keu theke shekhe! Now, i need not explain which one was who. Did I sometimes call her boring (well she will kill me for this). But this holiday, kind of changed my opinion about her-- Now, she is to me FUN!

She is funny, witty, full of life. Miss Perfect would actually do weird things and stay awake till weird daybreaks and spearhead outings during weird hours of the night. Strange how we rediscover ole friends in a strange land! Took me trip to a desert and sand dunes and historical monuments to realise that. Bojho! (my latest fav expression). Maybe she was just a little better in control of herself during teenage than I could comprehend. For me life was a party and for her it was about party with responsible drinking! Now, it feels funny thinking that I hardly knew my friend of donkey's years.

Hmmmm...So like the wise men say: Take a Break! Life may just change for good.

Signing off

Rosemary